What Would Homer Do?

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you have $49 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you have $33 today.

If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you have $0 today.

If you purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and recycled the aluminum cans for cash, you have $214 today

Based on this scenario, your best investment in these difficult times would appear to be the 401-Keg, which involves drinking heavily and recycling

In related news, recent studies have found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year, and drinks, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year

As a result, the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon

Thanks to all who participated for doing your part in keeping America great!